As an intern for alike, one of my assignments was to write a profile feature about one Rem Tolentino: Pangasinan-based retail business man, new father at age 34, and now, “The Lockdown Chef”–a fitting moniker based on his newfound passion for cooking, given to him by him.
Grateful for yet another opportunity to write, I dove straight into the interview with misguided enthusiasm. I initially thought it was best to write a descriptive feature on this mysterious Rem Tolentino; a single-axis approach to what I now realise, was an opportunity to explore how him and I–two very different people–are somehow alike.
“During this lockdown, I lost myself only to discover a passion of mine”, says Tolentino, as he reflects on how his time in lockdown has changed his perspective on life and himself. This passion was cooking. “With an abundance of time spent in the house”, he says, “it is a lot more enjoyable to cook”.
Tolentino has used much of his time recreating his favourite dishes from his travels abroad. He has also made it a goal to “understand everything about cooking”: preparation, technique, “even my knife skills”, he says. With a great amount of time suddenly forced on to his lap, Tolentino has been diligent in learning something new.
What “The Lockdown Chef” loves most about cooking, besides its entry way into various gastronomic adventures, is that it allows him to share his creations with his loved ones: “I love to make them happy, and if they aren’t, I try to understand how to make things better”. Cooking, to Tolentino, is “a simple joy which fills both the stomach and the heart”.
What I ultimately learned about Tolentino from our brief exchange was that it was in the midst of sudden, unexpected change that his sense of self had never been clearer. “During this lockdown, I lost myself only to discover a passion of mine”, he fondly recalls.
At face value, there isn’t much to reconcile Tolentino’s identity and my own–besides the fact that we are both of Filipino descent. My name is Joanne Chio and I am not a new parent at 34, I am not employed in the retail industry, nor have I been testing my talents in the kitchen. I am a 20-year-old gender studies major living in Montreal, Quebec. I love my dog, I have two tattoos, and my favourite author at the moment is Joan Didion. When I’m not busy reading or working on a paper, I’m usually out running.
A surface-level analysis makes it easy to post me and Tolentino at opposite-facing poles. It took a little bit of reflection for me to realise our one true commonality: that amid the chaos, mess, discomfort of our lives right now – we were able to find ourselves.
The coronavirus pandemic has led to some uncomfortable realities. The absence of a daily routine, the early suspension of classes, the sudden dispersal of friends who once lived minutes away from me, the constant fear for the health and safety of my loved ones abroad, the cancellation of highly-anticipated plans, and of course, an impeccably-timed break-up, were some of the dire conditions that pushed me to find myself during these past few months.
These conditions left me lost, scared and a little helpless. For once, I didn’t have the comfort of structure and routine–two things I usually cling to when the going gets tough. What I was given instead was the space to ask myself the following questions: What do I need right now that I can give myself? What are the things, and who are the people that matter the most to me? Who can I go to for help?
The simultaneity of all these events in my personal life and the coronavirus pandemic was beyond overwhelming, but it allowed me to reflect on and realise a few key truths about who I am.
I had the space and time to come to terms with a few mental health struggles I was facing. Day by day, I began to notice that my anxiety was getting harder and harder to control. I had trouble focusing, my moods would shift from panicked to catatonic, and I had not felt further away from myself. This led me to seek out professional help in the form of a therapist, who is currently providing me with the technique and the insight to make me feel better.
I also took to writing as a creative outlet to express much of my anger, frustration at the current state of the world and my personal life, and rediscovered my love for it. With every journal entry I wrote, I began to feel more like myself.
Our ability to navigate these increasingly uncomfortable times manifests in various ways: figuring out who we are and what it is we truly value; challenging what we already know about ourselves; adapting to uncomfortable situations; asking ourselves: as the world changes, to what extent do we change with it?
During my interview, Tolentino mentioned that there comes a time in every adult’s life where they “figure out the bigger picture of things”; take a long hard look at the changes happening in your life, and ask yourself what you’re going to do about it. Like Tolentino, I was able to look beyond the toils of the present moment–things that quite frankly, were very much out of my control.
Tolentino challenged his energy into rediscovering his passion for cooking, and in finding fulfillment in making his most loved ones happy, healthy and safe. In parallel, I channeled my energy into rediscovering myself, and figuring it out what to work on.
In essence, what makes Rem Tolentino and I alike, is the funny irony that it is in one of the messiest, rockiest and momentous moments in our lives that we have somehow found clarity.
To order his flavorful Hainanese Chicken, go to Homeboy Hainanese.
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